There is a fundamental difference between a monogamous cheater and a polyamorous person in a monogamous relationship.
Polyamory has no space for cheating, it’s quite the opposite. It’s about expressing our needs, wants and desires with the added benefit of possibly being able to make them a reality.
There is often some common confusion between the swinging lifestyle and polyamory, some people can even go as far as thinking the terms are synonymous and interchangeable.
Personally I see major differences and mixing them is really not a great idea in my view.
Been an interest couple of months for me and all because my partners are spreading their poly wings. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a key part of why we all chose to identify as polyamorus.
However deciding to test the dating water requires a little more thought than usual if you’re poly, especially if you already have existing relationships.
I was having a late night catch up call with one of my partners after a couple of really busy days and the conversation was flowing really well until I asked for some input into a decision or at least some indication of direction. I was greeted with a simple answer of “I don’t really mind”. This pretty much cut the conversation dead and really annoyed me for some reason, so I went to sleep wondering why.
There are four major relationship killers out there on the rampage. They come in many disguises, but will reap destruction where ever they go if left unchecked.
1. Personal Criticism
“What is your problem? Can’t you do anything right!?”
Complaints are a natural and normal part of healthy relationships. We should all be able to discuss a specific complaint with a partner and reach some sort of agreement.
This is my first poly post for 2018 and I’m really not sure what to write about on this dark, cold and wet morning.
I’m on the train on my way down to London for the week and awaiting the arrival of my breakfast (eggs benedict). I didn’t travel down on Monday due to a threatened strike by the rail union. I suspect the unions and rail companies could do with some lessons in communication based upon what I’ve read about the dispute.
Following an intense session of sharing thoughts and emotions people are often feeling vulnerable and raw, so it’s not usually a good time to go back over the same ground immediately.
However once everyone has had some time to relax and settle down, say a day or so. Its not a bad idea to suggest and hopefully start a recap relating to the discussion, this can then become a vehicle for summarising the issues and any related actions or resolutions that’s have been agreed to help moving the issue forward.
Talking open and honestly can be tough and painful at times, especially when sharing something that’s really hurting or you’re on the receiving end of some person home truths.
Even if people are using the best communication skills stuff can still really hurt. So when the dust starts to settle looking after all parties in the dialogue is extremely important.
The only thing tougher than accepting ownership of our thoughts and feelings, is sharing them with other people. It takes guts to open up and lay yourself vulnerable to others.
It’s also easy to fall into a habit of trying to second guess another person’s reaction to your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Let’s be totally up front and honest about this, the ability to read minds is not a prerequisite for any relationship, however based upon the behaviour exhibited towards others by many people it seems there’s a tendency to assume that it is. Alas mind reading is a bit of a lost art and rarely to be found in us lesser mortals, so we have to approach this need to know about our partners thoughts and feels via communication.
poly pride 