Relationship killers

Man with a knife in a stabbing pose

There are four major relationship killers out there on the rampage. They come in many disguises, but will reap destruction where ever they go if left unchecked.

1. Personal Criticism

“What is your problem? Can’t you do anything right!?”

Complaints are a natural and normal part of healthy relationships. We should all be able to discuss a specific complaint with a partner and reach some sort of agreement.

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First poly post of 2018

2018 - happy new year

This is my first poly post for 2018 and I’m really not sure what to write about on this dark, cold and wet morning.

I’m on the train on my way down to London for the week and awaiting the arrival of my breakfast (eggs benedict). I didn’t travel down on Monday due to a threatened strike by the rail union. I suspect the unions and rail companies could do with some lessons in communication based upon what I’ve read about the dispute.

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Recap to Reinforce

Recap to reinforce

Following an intense session of sharing thoughts and emotions people are often feeling vulnerable and raw, so it’s not usually a good time to go back over the same ground immediately.

However once everyone has had some time to relax and settle down, say a day or so.  Its not a bad idea to suggest and hopefully start a  recap relating to the discussion, this can then become a vehicle for summarising the issues and any related actions or resolutions that’s have been agreed to help moving the issue forward.

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Communication Aftercare

Communication aftercare

Talking open and honestly can be tough and painful at times, especially when sharing something that’s really hurting or you’re on the receiving end of some person home truths.

Even if people are using the best communication skills stuff can still really hurt. So when the dust starts to settle looking after all parties in the dialogue is extremely important.

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Being Brave

Being brave or making that leap of faith

The only thing tougher than accepting ownership of our thoughts and feelings, is sharing them with other people. It takes guts to open up and lay yourself vulnerable to others.

It’s also easy to fall into a habit of trying to second guess another person’s reaction to your thoughts, feelings and actions.

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Mind Reading

Mind reading in relationships

Let’s be totally up front and honest about this, the ability to read minds is not a prerequisite for any relationship, however based upon the behaviour exhibited towards others by many people it seems there’s a tendency to assume that it is. Alas mind reading is a bit of a lost art and rarely to be found in us lesser mortals, so we have to approach this need to know about our partners thoughts and feels via communication.

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Listen to hear

Listen to hear, not to respond

Communication is the very life blood and foundation of a good and solid relationship, but it comes in two parts.

  1. Expressing our thought and emotions to others so they can better understand
  2. Listen to what others, so we may better understand them.

It’s sad to say that the latter part is often neglected, because we only listen to respond and often fail to hear or understand.

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Talk, don’t judge

Human behaviour - talk don't judge

When we are in the middle of a heated debate, it’s tough to stay objective, especially when it’s about behaviour and starts to feel like a personal attack.

We all have to accept that unfortunately people are not perfect and that includes us, our partner(s) or partner’s partner(s). We are all by our human definition creatures ruled and driven by our emotions.

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Other peoples shit

Other peoples shit, it burns

It’s time for another communication post and this one can be a very unpleasant experience.

“Other peoples shit”

As if dealing with our own emotion state is not enough, on top of that we have to also navigate our way through or around other people’s emotions and their less than perfect ownership.

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Drama Llamas

 

The drama llamaDo you know how to spot a drama llama?

Do you know exactly what  a drama llama is?

Well for those not familiar with the term it’s commonly defined as a person who randomly throws their own personal dramas on others, in the same way that a llama randomly spits.

“Oh no, here comes the drama llama! I haven’t finished cleaning up from the last time they spat their drama on me!”

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