When Two Tribes Go To War

 

Us and them - when two tribes go to war

I’ve been spending a bit of time recently reading and following varies threads on poly discussion groups and forums.

I’ve noticed a few things about the poly community which I’ve found quite interesting

“polyamory is loving however/whoever makes you happy … as long as you aren’t unicorn-hunting, don’t operate a OPP, etc”.

From my perspective I can identify two relatively clearly defined tribes based upon the way they react to simple questions on forums and I’m going to try and define them.

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Insecurity & Depression

insecurity will destroy you written on a chalk board

I read a post a while back when someone was obviously in a bad place and struggling with their own personal insecurities and there manifestation as depression.

They have listed each and numbered them. It had obviously taken a lot of thought, courage and general self analysis to achieve.

I believe that by performing this action they were able to understand themselves a bit more and move forward while confronting their own personal issues.

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Primus Inter Pares

Primus Inter Pares - First among equals - privilege

An issue I’ve noticed coming up on a regular basis with poly discussion groups is the subject of equality. It’s also a topic that has also popped up a number of times for me personally since moving to a polyamorous lifestyle.

“Primus Inter Pares”

Is a Latin phrase meaning first among equals. The phrase infers that a person is formally considered equivalent to others in a group, but is also superior in some attribute.

I find myself asking is equality actually possible or necessary?

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Foreplay

It’s always good to read about someone else’s hopes, dreams, desires and experience, especially when well written. This is why I’ve chosen to reblog the following post.

Little sections like the following really got my attention..

“breasts heaving with deep breaths, my finger explores hot,wet depths,
so arousing and exciting, bottom lip your teeth is biting,
focussing on husband’s adoring stare, what others might see, don’t really care.”

So get comfortable, sit back and read this wonderful piece, you won’t regret it, I didn’t 😉

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How Daddy makes me feel

I’ve discovered that there is a massive difference between the title “Daddy” to “Dominant” in a D/s relationship and also between Daddy as a title for a father. I personally had many reservations about this title, but have come to realise it is nothing more than that: a title.

A Daddy Dom is not interested in any acts of pedophilia, incest or any other paraphernalia act associated with children. The title is often unfortunately often misunderstood and associated with that, which is so wrong.

When a baby girl calls her Daddy by title, the feeling is not associated with feelings that she might get when she calls her really father the same title. This is generally the same with any other multi-use word in our language wonderfully confusing language.

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Privilege

The word privilege upon a page

Privilege is a daunting subject at the best of times, no matter how good you think you are at practising equality.

“What is Privilege?”

A “Privilege” in it’s simplest form, is a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group that hasn’t normally been specifically earned.

It would in fact be very possible to write a whole series of books on this subject and how it impacts our carefully crafted poly relationships.

Just using the word “Privilege” can be perceived as an accusation, a poly failing or even promote feelings of personal inner guilt.

“What’s the reason for this?”

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On Managing New Relationship Energy (NRE)

Polyamory in the sand

The following is rather an insightful view on the concept of managing new relationship energy.

I’ve had the pleasure of riding this wave a couple of time and the key is trying to take your existing partners with you on the ride and keeping yourself grounded.

Easier said than done…

So have a read and tell me what you think 🙂

TK

Slut, Ph.D.

One of the biggest challenges in poly life is new relationship energy, often abbreviated to NRE. My best friend and I actually worded that acronym (pronouncing it nuh-ree) and would go around squealing it whenever relevant like a couple of birds. (me: “omg she is so cute have you seen her hair and she always wears the best shoes and unf and she texted me like 100 times yesterday” her: “nuhree! nuhree!”).

NRE is also sometimes known as “twitterpation, ” which is a term I know some people despise as patronizing and trivializing. I think it’s adorable, especially given the original context:

TWITTERPATED

The clip provides a decent overview of the concept: NRE and twitterpation are both associated with giddy and semi-obsessive feelings around the object of one’s affection. People in the throes of NRE also tend to be blind or at least uncaring about the object’s faults. And there’s…

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