Polyamory vs Cheating


There is a fundamental difference between a monogamous cheater and a polyamorous person in a monogamous relationship.

Polyamory has no space for cheating, it’s quite the opposite. It’s about expressing our needs, wants and desires with the added benefit of possibly being able to make them a reality.

Cheating in contrast does not imply a potency towards a polyamorousmindset or philosophy. It suggested instead a complete disregard for prior agreed boundaries and a perception that dishonest and deceit are acceptable within a relationship (what a catch…).

What’s really important to identify and understand are the reasons why the person in a supposed monogamous relationship decides to cheat.

At the end of the day everyone has the opportunity to make a decision about cheating, and this included polyamorus people breaking agreed rules and boundaries. With monogamy its is fairly easy to define the boundaries, however polyamory in all its different forms is a whole different story.

For example, within polyamory the majority of relationships require the seeking of agency and consent; that’s why it works.

Therefore if your relationship requires the seeking of agency and consent, and you skip this you have effectively become a cheater.

Now my last statements may unfortunately annoy some parties with the polyamorus community, and I apologise in advance, believe me no offence is intended,so please hear me out..

Some models of polyamory are totally open and totally free of rules, so if that’s the case you have “carte blanche“ and it’s impossible to cheat as long as it has been discussed, understood, agreed and accepted up front i.e. agency and consent is already in place by default.

In closing then, what ever relationship model you subscribe to, cheating isn’t acceptable. It destroys trust and relationships, therefore has no place and isn’t acceptable in my view. It shows a total lack of trust and honest no only with partners but with yourself.

Cheating is never acceptable, never justifiable or warranted and haa no place in any relationship model.


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