Been an interest couple of months for me and all because my partners are spreading their poly wings. Now there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a key part of why we all chose to identify as polyamorus.
However deciding to test the dating water requires a little more thought than usual if you’re poly, especially if you already have existing relationships.
I’m no angel in this area, I’ve made more than my share of mistakes in the past and probably a few I’m still not even aware of. That’s the nature of polyamorus relationships, each one is slightly different, there are no specific rules until you agree them and those rules are subject to review and change.
But here’s the critical piece, the process of review and change is a conversation, not just a statement of intent.
As a rule there is no such thing as a stupid question and assumptions have a tendency to cause problems, especially in the early stages. Any conversation that includes the statement “I assumed you’d be okay with it.” is likely to get quite heated. Especially when it can be avoided by seeking agency and consent up front.
No subject or topic should be unavailable for discussion, that’s how being open and honest really works. There may however be certain areas and question that may result in TMI situations so it is best to exercise this freedom with consideration or even, a response like “Are you really sure you want to know the answer to that question?“.
Also don’t be afraid to initially say no, but also be strong enough to keep the discussion open. Thoughts and positions can change with time and understanding.