We’ll I’m sitting here in front of my laptop thinking about everything that’s happened over the year, what a roller coaster of a ride.
I’ve discovered more about myself and the people I care about than I can possibly imagined.
I have two wonderful people in my life and can quite honestly say I’m polysaturated, its a great feeling. We spent yesterday night relaxing, enjoying each others company and playing scrabble till the early of the morning.
We’ve had our share of ups and downs, arguments and disagreements, but I truly thing we’ve come out the other side with a better understanding of ourselves and each other.
The most important question – is it worth it; honest answer “Hell, yer!”
I’m looking forward to the future and what ever it may bring
Let’s first look at these two commonly used words and what they mean to most people from a definition perspective.
We can then look at them in the context of a relationship (not just a poly one).
“Honesty – refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc.”
All of these things are highly desirable in a person and all about the way to behave and conduct yourself from a moral perspective when dealing with others.
“Mindfulness involves being aware moment-to-moment, of one’s subjective conscious experience from a first-person perspective”
This is about how you see yourself and the actions that you take.
Looking at it closely, these two ‘Virtues’ in combination make a great foundation for how to conduct yourself within poly. However, alone they fail to take into account the other sides of the equation, the second and third parties.
Each of these people/groups is likely to have their own set of expectations and perspective on anything that is said or actions taken and lets be honest, most of the time we can only make an educated guess at these.
We also need to consider the other parties feelings and that’s often were the ice breaks and people fail totally.
It is often the case that something consider trivial by one party is a really big thing by another.
So in closing, it may not be enough to be just honest and mindful without also looking at everything from another parties perspective, taking into account their expectations and feelings.
I’ve had to read, think and learn about polyamory a lot over the last few months and to be honest I’m still making stupid mistakes on a regular basis. I have, however, noticed that I’m also becoming better around take responsibility for my actions.
One area of interest is the various states of ‘being poly’, these normally fall into one of following three
Poly Active – Actively engaged in looking and dating
Poly Passive – Not actively looking, but if an interesting opportunity presents itself
Poly Closed – Not looking or interested
There are two other descriptions used that you might come across
Polyunsaturated – Polyamorous and currently seeking or open to new partners
Polysaturated – Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners, or because of time constraints that might make new relationships difficult.
However, there are othe options out there such as
SOLO POLY: Which is an approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightly couple-centric.
People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, the freedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission from others, and flexibility in the form their relationships take.
Such people generally don’t want or need relationships that look like traditional couples, and may not, for example, seek to live with a partner (or partners) or combine finances with a partner (or partners).
I’m personally a fan of the term Polyfidelity: (Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members.
Always remember that there are many approaches to being poly and generally you should go with what works for you