As the year draws to a close

poly-hand-heart
Image by cockandcrow.com

We’ll I’m sitting here in front of my laptop thinking about everything that’s happened over the year, what a roller coaster of a ride.

I’ve discovered more about myself and the people I care about than I can possibly imagined.

I have two wonderful people in my life and can quite honestly say I’m polysaturated, its a great feeling. We spent yesterday night relaxing, enjoying each others company and playing scrabble till the early of the morning.

We’ve had our share of ups and downs, arguments and disagreements, but I truly thing we’ve come out the other side with a better understanding of ourselves and each other.

The most important question – is it worth it; honest answer “Hell, yer!”

I’m looking forward to the future and what ever it may bring

Our new project is quality time and equality

Best wishes to you all for 2016

 

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Poly – An Extreme Sport for the Heart

Just read an awesome article on The Wireless NZ”, which is run by Radio New Zealand.

The article is about a group of people talking about their lives and loves and what poly means to them, it is rather long at just over 200 words but really worth the time. – sharing the love what it’s like to be in a polyamorous relationship

The video is also really worth a watch – Sharing the love video.

Honest Vs Mindful

Zen stones

Let’s first look at these two commonly used words and what they mean to most people from a definition perspective.

We can then look at them in the context of a relationship (not just a poly one).

“Honesty – refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc.”

All of these things are highly desirable in a person and all about the way to behave and conduct yourself from a moral perspective when dealing with others.

“Mindfulness involves being aware moment-to-moment, of one’s subjective conscious experience from a first-person perspective”

This is about how you see yourself and the actions that you take.

Looking at it closely, these two ‘Virtues’ in combination make a great foundation for how to conduct yourself within poly. However, alone they fail to take into account the other sides of the equation, the second and third parties.

Each of these people/groups is likely to have their own set of expectations and perspective on anything that is said or actions taken and lets be honest, most of the time we can only make an educated guess at these.

We also need to consider the other parties feelings and that’s often were the ice breaks and people fail totally.

It is often the case that something consider trivial by one party is a really big thing by another.

So in closing, it may not be enough to be just honest and mindful without also looking at everything from another parties perspective, taking into account their expectations and feelings.

Good Luck!

States of poly

I’ve had to read, think and learn about polyamory a lot over the last few months and to be honest I’m still making stupid mistakes on a regular basis. I have, however, noticed that I’m also becoming better around take responsibility for my actions.

One area of interest is the various states of ‘being poly’, these normally fall into one of following three

  • Poly Active – Actively engaged in looking and dating
  • Poly Passive – Not actively looking, but if an interesting opportunity presents itself
  • Poly Closed – Not looking or interested

Poly-States

There are two other descriptions used that you might come across

  • Polyunsaturated – Polyamorous and currently seeking or open to new partners
  • Polysaturated – Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners, or because of time constraints that might make new relationships difficult.

However, there are othe options out there such as

SOLO POLY: Which is an approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightly couple-centric.

People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, the freedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission from others, and flexibility in the form their relationships take.

Such people generally don’t want or need relationships that look like traditional couples, and may not, for example, seek to live with a partner (or partners) or combine finances with a partner (or partners).

I’m personally a fan of the term Polyfidelity: (Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members.

Always remember that there are many approaches to being poly and generally you should go with what works for you

More info can be found here – More Than Two by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert

Unicorns Should Be a Protected Species

Unicorn-HuntingThe first and most important question is “Why is Unicorn Hunting wrong?”

To answer that we need to look at what is normally considered to be a “Unicorn”. The term is normally used to describe something that just doesn’t exist or is extremely rare.

However, in poly terms, it is often used as a very negative term to describe a single bi woman or the more derogatory HBB (Hot Bi Babe).

So a unicorn is both something that doesn’t exist, yet quite obviously does…

What’s really the key to this issue, is the intentions of the hunter or hunters.

Therefore, my advice would be if you are lucky enough to find one of these beautiful creature you should treasured and love them, not hunt them to extinction.

You can read more on the subject here at polyliving.net or polyfor.us

 

A Moment of Clarity

 

moment_of_claritySometimes you need everything to go all wrong so you actually realise what’s right. That’s what’s happened to me in the last week.

I’ve had time to identify things I need to do and try to change

I now have a new mantra, which is very simple, yet hard to achieve;

“Communication is actually so important. To be able to tell others what’s on your mind without fighting or arguing”

I cannot afford to mess it up again, it’s too important to me and the people I love and care about.