There is often a point within every relationship where you find yourself doing an accounting.
You start weighing up the pros and cons to help decide what’s the best way to progress and move forward.
Continue reading “I’m standing on a line between letting go & seeing how much more I can take.”
I went out today for a chat and it was a good conversation. Continue reading “An interesting conversation”
I came across a lovely set of rules written by a self-confessed ‘Unicorn’
Let’s first be clear what we are talking about, a ‘Unicorn’ in the poly community is a bisexual woman who would consider dating a heterosexual couple in an open or
poly relationship..
It is quite common for heterosexual couples that are new to the poly concept to start actively seeking out a woman to complete their “dream poly triad”, without necessarily understanding what they are actually doing.
From a couples perspective the idea of the third person with a capacity to love both a man and a woman is amazing.
However, this is normally where the hetero orientation of the couple starts to bite.
Sometimes you just stumble across an interesting post or article. This is one of those times, as we start to see the concept of non-traditional relationship structures hitting the mainstream.
I’m finding pieces like this more and more at the moment. Perhaps it’s always been there and I just haven’t really noticed, either way it’s nice to see the subject coming up and being discussed more openly.
Can you remember the first time you heard someone use the word “polyamory”, “polyamorous” or just plain “poly”? Then think, how about “open relationship” or “non-monogamy”? The chances are, it was sometime in the last few years, as less conventional relationships have been able to moved into the general mainstream consciousness.
I am by no means a master on this subject and often mess it up, but the principle is something I aspire to.
When ever possible during any form of communication using the would “I” within the statements is a good call. Examples such as, “I feel …” or “I am worried…” or “I am concerned…”.
This strategy will generally give you the best chance of being listened to and understood.
You may say something like, “I am concerned and worried about how you are behaving towards me.” this is far better than, “You are attacking me and you should stop doing it!”
The latter example is just plain confrontation and not really part of a sensitive and caring conversation. It is unlikely to making the person think about opening up the lines of communication and sharing you. It’s more likely to create further misunderstanding and distance between the two parties.
When you find yourself stuck in the middle of two people arguing, it is difficult at the best of times to avoid being accused of taking sides, defending one party or attacking them too. This becomes even more complex in a poly relationship, when the two warring parties happen to also be your partners.
So what is a girl to do?
Duck and cover, taking a little flak or try to broker a peace…
Those that bury their heads in the sand and ignore what’s going on around them are likely to get attacked by both parties and run the risk of losing everything.
However, trying to act as a mediator is better than being a referee. Bit of a lose, lose position to be honest.
Interesting insight into a bi/hetero couple seeing other women together.
Sometimes the truth is rather hard to handle and can really hurt, however a policy of truth is always the best course of action to take.
Facing up to our own flaws, issues and mistakes is never easy. But if we don’t learn more about ourselves and others we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
“Never again
Is what you swore
The time before”
Communication has to be the hardest part of any relationship, at all stages in its natural life cycle.
It has to be a two-way street, no matter how much it hurts sometimes. That’s where being mindful and considerate comes into the equation.
poly pride 