Jealousy – Face the facts

Envy versus Jealousy

No matter how good you or your partners think you are at being open and polyamorus there is bound to be a time that you feel jealous.

The key with jealousy is not avoiding or denying it, but dealing with it when it arrives. Don’t ignore it, don’t shut it away in the back of your mind, it will grow.

Talking about jealousy is extremely important because it matters. It will affect everyone in the relationships.

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The bastion of monogamy

Consensual non-monogamy or CNM

It’s very true that monogamy remains one of the last unquestioned bastions of relational legitimacy, or at least in the minds of many couples’ or mainstream marriage therapists.

This is not really helped by the natural pro-monogamy bias found with many therapists and is not an accident. In the majority of conventional counseling programs, therapists-in-training are taught that monogamy is important and should be protected and so the problems begin.

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It’s been a year…

I woke up this morning to a notification from WordPress – it’s been a whole year!

WordPress one year anniversary

I’ve also taken a snap shot of the blogs stats, while I’ve found rather surprising too.

WordPress first full year stats

I’d just like to say a big thank you to all those who have visited, liked and commented during the past year.

I’m looking forward to what the future brings.


Say goodbye to the V word

Ban the vito

Nothing else seems to have quite the same destructive potential as the dreaded ‘V’ word.

It’s the equivalent of a tactical nuke when deployed in a relationship. Just the threat of it can be enough to curb unwanted or undesirable actions and behaviour. But here lies the problem, launching this relationship weapon often blows everything apart. That’s the nature of going nuclear.

So maybe, and this is just a possible suggestion…(so please don’t getting to annoyed about it) we should ban the veto and replace it with something else. Let’s all wave a final goodbye to the V word, no one should really feel the need for veto power if they are safe and secure about their own place in the world and relationships.

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Why is polyamory so hard?

Polyamory is hard some times

I’ve been struggling to find time to write anything during the last couple of weeks due to pressures at work, being ill and strained relationships.

It’s really hard to explain how time consuming and stressful being polyamorus can be, especially when communication becomes poor due to external pressures of life.

Finding time is probably one, if not the biggest issues and quality time doubly so. I really need to work upon my time management skills a bit more and make sure that I’m paying a reasonable level of relationship rent to all my partners.

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Like most people who have chosen to embrace the poly life style, I believe in open, truthful and honest communication. However, many of us carry around a closet full of secrets.

So should we keep the door to this place closed or open up this proverbial Pandora’s box of dark and hidden secrets?

Secrets are often toxic to relationships and can be the killer blow when the going gets tough. It’s at this point we need to ask ourselves a very important and soul search question “Does my partner or partners  need to know this secret?”

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