I came across a lovely set of rules written by a self-confessed ‘Unicorn’
Let’s first be clear what we are talking about, a ‘Unicorn’ in the poly community is a bisexual woman who would consider dating a heterosexual couple in an open or
It is quite common for heterosexual couples that are new to the poly concept to start actively seeking out a woman to complete their “dream poly triad”, without necessarily understanding what they are actually doing.
From a couples perspective the idea of the third person with a capacity to love both a man and a woman is amazing.
However, this is normally where the hetero orientation of the couple starts to bite.
Most would be unicorn hunters wouldn’t even dream of look for a male unicorn and openly admit that they are only seeking bisexual woman.
(see my post on “Unicorn hunters: A larval form of poly)
Equality, Primary & Secondary
I’ve mentioned before about the way that an existing couple can treat the potential new addition to their relationship.
- A secondary by agreement
- Disposable play thing without needs or rights
Now let’s be honest, an established couple by very definition is a ‘Primary’ relationship no matter how you look at it.
Therefore a unicorn doesn’t get to be primary – so scratch Option 1
Option 3 – Is not an option, if you’re serious about building a relationship.
So by default the new addition has to be a secondary relationship.
It is also important to understand that if over time the third-party moves into a primary role with either partner within the couple, it is likely to be at the expense of the former primary relationship.
I’m not saying that “Equality” isn’t possible, it is but it will take time and effort. It requires each partner in the primary couple to concentrate upon first forming a relationship with the third-party – not a sexual fantasy, dream or focus on their bisexual orientation.
Now back to those simple unicorn rules and the wonderful comment I found:-
“As a “unicorn” myself, I can agree with most of these points. While, for me, being a fantasy is part of the charm of my status, I agree that it is one of the most frustrating aspects when people don’t understand what it takes to do that balancing act. I have had several successful relationships and they all were founded on respect, friendship and open communication.
A few simple rules when it comes to my unicorn relationships:
- The couple’s relationship with each other takes precedence. If my being there is screwing anything up, be it one is getting “too close” or uncomfortable with the situation, then I bail.
- Because I am not a primary then I am allowed to seek out other partners (within safe reason)
- Because our health and emotions are at risk all information is open. I will not have any secret partners who would be unwilling to meet my other partners. They don’t have to be friends, but every one I’m sleeping with deserves to meet the people who could risk their health.
- Over communicate. I spell out what I expect and make sure they do the same. Any relevant information is shared as soon as I get it, be it health or emotional related, and I expect the same in return. And any time I even THINK I might be adding someone/s to my group, I let my current partners know ahead of time.
I have found that these rules help weed out the people who aren’t invested in you as a person and therefore are unworthy of the gift that is a unicorn, lol.”
Comment Source: A unicorns comments
The author of the original post summed it up extremely well in my view
“You can find a unicorn, but you can’t hunt one. We are not deer that you go out to acquire then mount our heads on your wall. You cannot find us if you are looking for us specifically. We materialize in your world without you actually realizing it at first. So, stop hunting us!”
Original Source: Unicorn Hunters