A holiday like no other

three cherries

So we are on the count down to our first holiday in many years, but not any ordinary one, this will be my first ever experience of a true poly holiday (Excited!) .

So as the days count down I’m beginning to get ready and making all the usual preparations, but how do you prepare for going away with someone who you don’t know that we’ll yet?

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I can’t resist you

Desire - I want you so bad

You sit there before me mine for the taking. “go on you know you want to” you say.

I’ve been wanting you for so long but have resisted.

I can smell you you smell so good nothing else in the world smells like you.

I run my fingers across you feeling you beneath them.

I want you so bad.

I quickly remove what’s lying between us. I take you in my hand hard and thick.

I take you in my mouth your taste fills me slowly I suck you as you melt again I take you and I suck and nibble you.

You taste so good I know I shouldn’t be doing this. Before I know it your gone and what am I left with?

An empty chocolate wrapper and a head full of regret.

Don’t do it stick to the diet. The fantasy is much better than the reality.

To my Metamour

Metamour holding hands

This is just a note to say, thank you for being you in every way.

You’ve made me see that there is another way.

The mindfulness you show, puts my demons to rest and you help bring out my very best.

And when we’re together its all so right especially when we’re all snuggled up at night.

But thing that I like most is that we’re so honest and true and that’s why I wrote this just for you

You see these words I write come straight from my heart and it does not like it when we’re apart.

So thank you for being just who you are.

My very special Metamour xxx

What is compersion?

Compersion and joy

What is compersion?

Well generally it is a word directly used by the polyamorous community to describe the feeling one gets from their partner(s) being happy with another partner(s).

I get the feeling of happiness when I know that whilst my partner is away he is with his girlfriend and that he is happy.

However, there can be times where I get lonely. This can then cause my brain to start to wander into the realms of jealousy, but truly at heart I’m not jealous that he is with his lover, it’s the fact that I am alone.

Jealousy as I have previously mentioned in another post, can also be a force for good things, because being jealous means that you care about the other person and that there are still feelings there. – The good thing about demons.

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A New beginning

Wooden demon box

Today my old friends came back to play, I have not had them visit for such a long time.

They crept slowly back in uninvited and unwelcomed, they tore at my soul, pulling chunks out of my heart, whispering deep within my brain, planting the seeds of rotten decaying ideas,  which seep into my blood.

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Love is a battle field

war-is-overSo the two families are once again divided, the war is over and everything is quiet.

I look at the landscape round me which is my life, everything which was once so beautiful is now broken torn and unrecognisable.

So I have to start to rebuild myself and my life. The wounds, which have been caused have cut deep and are raw, but I hope that given time they will heal.

I know that there will be always be scars, these will be the permanent reminder of what has happened and act as a warning to me not to walk this path again. But as with all wars, you can rebuild, though it’s never quite the same as it was in the beginning, sometimes it is greater sometimes it is not.

I must pick up my tools and begin to rebuild anew and see where it takes me.

The good thing about demons.

controlling-demons-eliphas-levi

I wrote this a while ago and I would now like to share it.

In the beginning I thought my demons were bad they were my jealousy they made me feel feelings which I didn’t know I could feel.

I questioned myself why do I feel like this? Why do I act like this? I have fought with my demons long and hard.

Continue reading “The good thing about demons.”

No Mans Land

no-mans-landWhen you find yourself stuck in the middle of two people arguing, it is difficult at the best of times to avoid being accused of taking sides, defending one party or attacking them too. This becomes even more complex in a poly relationship, when the two warring parties happen to also be your partners.

So what is  a girl to do?

Duck and cover, taking a little flak or try to broker a peace…

Those that bury their heads in the sand and ignore what’s going on around them are likely to get attacked by both parties and run the risk of losing everything.

However, trying to act as a mediator is better than being a referee. Bit of a lose,  lose position to be honest.

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Real and not a dream

polyamory
If anyone would have said to me at the beginning of 2015, I would be where I am now I would have laughed.

Even now I have to pinch myself to believe it’s real and not a dream, but it has not been easy we have had our share of ups and downs along the road we have learned our mistakes there have been tears of both joy and pain but we are here to tell the tale, in fact it would make a bloody good movie, a real crazy but good movie lol.

We read the books, we trawled the internet for advice some of it useful but some of it not but being open and honest no matter how much it hurts we found works and telling each other what’s going on in our heads not letting it build up.

I now have two amazing people in my life who I couldn’t imagine being without.