Honest Vs Mindful

Zen stones

Let’s first look at these two commonly used words and what they mean to most people from a definition perspective.

We can then look at them in the context of a relationship (not just a poly one).

“Honesty – refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness, and straightforwardness, including straightforwardness of conduct, along with the absence of lying, cheating, theft, etc.”

All of these things are highly desirable in a person and all about the way to behave and conduct yourself from a moral perspective when dealing with others.

“Mindfulness involves being aware moment-to-moment, of one’s subjective conscious experience from a first-person perspective”

This is about how you see yourself and the actions that you take.

Looking at it closely, these two ‘Virtues’ in combination make a great foundation for how to conduct yourself within poly. However, alone they fail to take into account the other sides of the equation, the second and third parties.

Each of these people/groups is likely to have their own set of expectations and perspective on anything that is said or actions taken and lets be honest, most of the time we can only make an educated guess at these.

We also need to consider the other parties feelings and that’s often were the ice breaks and people fail totally.

It is often the case that something consider trivial by one party is a really big thing by another.

So in closing, it may not be enough to be just honest and mindful without also looking at everything from another parties perspective, taking into account their expectations and feelings.

Good Luck!

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3 thoughts on “Honest Vs Mindful

  1. Honesty is a no-brainer…after all that has been said about cheating, etc. but there are times when one can’t be too “honest” (e.g. ‘brutally honest’) unless they want to hurt the other’s feelings? And mindfullness – that should be a no-brainer. If someone isn’t really all there, can you be sure of his/her commitment to the relationship? But too much of a good thing, such as excessive mindfullness, can degenerate into self-absorption, IMHO.

    Liked by 1 person

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