States of poly

I’ve had to read, think and learn about polyamory a lot over the last few months and to be honest I’m still making stupid mistakes on a regular basis. I have, however, noticed that I’m also becoming better around take responsibility for my actions.

One area of interest is the various states of ‘being poly’, these normally fall into one of following three

  • Poly Active – Actively engaged in looking and dating
  • Poly Passive – Not actively looking, but if an interesting opportunity presents itself
  • Poly Closed – Not looking or interested


There are two other descriptions used that you might come across

  • Polyunsaturated – Polyamorous and currently seeking or open to new partners
  • Polysaturated – Polyamorous, but not currently open to new relationships or new partners because of the number of existing partners, or because of time constraints that might make new relationships difficult.

However, there are othe options out there such as

SOLO POLY: Which is an approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightly couple-centric.

People who identify as solo poly emphasize autonomy, the freedom to choose their own relationships without seeking permission from others, and flexibility in the form their relationships take.

Such people generally don’t want or need relationships that look like traditional couples, and may not, for example, seek to live with a partner (or partners) or combine finances with a partner (or partners).

I’m personally a fan of the term Polyfidelity: (Literally, poly many + fidelitas faithfulness) A romantic or sexual relationship which involves more than two people, but which does not permit the members of that relationship to seek additional partners outside the relationship, at least without the approval and consent of all the existing members.

Always remember that there are many approaches to being poly and generally you should go with what works for you

More info can be found here – More Than Two by Franklin Veaux & Eve Rickert

6 thoughts on “States of poly

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