The trouble with triads

Three heart shaped stones on a beachTriads take lots of work and are basically a time orientated balancing act, they are also considered unpopular within the politically aware poly community in general.

Triads also have an unusually high failure rate (I’ve been there), by any standards, yet there are always a large and steady stream of couples entering into the poly community looking for that mythical special third party to join them.

A quick glance across many of the popular poly sites tends to show a huge percentage of couples actively seeking a pan/bisexual woman (Over 50%). When you consider that less that 10% of most single women would openly identify as pan/bisexual, you can start to see the issue.

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Dear new poly couple

Couple kissing - Dear New Poly Couple

Dear new poly couple,

Glad you’ve found us and welcome to the amazing new world of ethical non-monogamy and polyamory.

It’s probably a bit exciting right now, maybe scary, definitely exhilarating, somewhat tense, majorly thrilling, and many other word that you can’t possibly think of right now.

So take your seat on this new emotional roller coaster, climb aboard and fasten your seat belts, keep your arms and legs inside the carriage at all times.

I would guess you’ve probably already talked about what you want as a couple, which is great, you’ve begun laying down some ground rules that are carefully designed to make sure that each of you are both comfortable and your relationship is safe.

You may have even dipped your toe in the water already with a few threesome’s or something more, excellent!

So now, you’re all set to go out together as a couple and find a bisexual woman to join your terrific relationship, someone who’ll love both of you and just be what you both need. Right?

No, not really…

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Balance in a threesome

ménage à trots - threesome

I personally have to confess I sort of like the number 3, it opens up all sorts of possibilities within a relationship. It’s probably hard to really understand until you’ve tried it and the majority of benefits actually exist outside of the bedroom.

Simple things like daily tasks around the home become easier when the load is shared, children benefit from more adult supervision and attention. Generally everything becomes a little easier when the load is spread, this then goes towards generating a more relaxed environment and atmosphere.

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34 Days till polyday

Three happy people Jumping on a beach in te

The days are starting to really fly past since we booked our first true poly day away together.

I’ve been thinking about how we will deal with the whole social media ball of wax. Basically there is a desire to share special moments and pictures from our holiday but not necessarily with everyone from our circle of friends and family. We are fairly open about our situation with people we trust but others may not be so receptive about it.

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Poly Relationship Shapes – Part 2

Polyamorous relationship constellation shape

A little while back posted about “Poly Relationship Shapes” and I had pause for thought about the Triad being used to describe a “Vee” relationship

Just to recap, I defined the relationship shapes in the following manner:-

Vee shape poly realtionshipVee

Is a polyamorous relationship involving three people, in this form one person is romantically or sexually involved with two partners who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other.


Triad poly relationship shapeTriad

The term ‘Triad’ is applied to a relationship in which all three people are sexually and emotionally engaged with all of the other members of the triad.

I then went on to express my feelings about use the term “Triad” to also describe a “Vee”

“The term is sometimes also applied to Vee relationships, but I’m not sure its strictly correct.”

My thoughts on this matter have changed since chatting with both my partners, they are of the opinion that neither shape truly describes our relationship structure, because their is clearly a relationship forming between them which is hard to describe and is constantly evolving and changing on a daily basis.

Then the following relationship shape was suggested as a better representation and we agreed it was best defined as a “Soft Triad”

Soft Triad poly relationship shape

I particularly like this idea, because it gives the people involved the time to understand, define and develop how their relationship will work without any pressure or preconceptions imposed upon them.

So maybe we have just added a new description to the every change world of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy.