Tis the season to be poly…

Three Christmas stockings hanging on the mantelpiece

Over the past few years I’ve not had a particularly good experience during the festive period. It’s the time of year when I always find my available time stretched to and beyond breaking point.

My time has to be carefully distributed between my kids, partners, friends, family and of course myself and not necessarily in that priority order. Unfortunately it never seems to go quite as far as other people think it should or can, so the net result is usually disappointment all round and the real loser always seems to be me (nail hand to forehead).

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New milestone

insecurity will destroy you written on a chalk board

Today is going to be interesting, it’s a new milestone within our relationship. She is off to meet someone she’s been chatting with for a while. Not really a date, just a toe in the water.

Something I’ve learned since make the move into polyamory, you have to let people navigate their own path and try new things.

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Let the compersion flow

Okay so it's complicated

I must admit I’m have a bit of a tough time at the moment, I’m finding myself to be very time poor again. This always places a strain upon a relationship and perhaps more so with two.

It’s even more difficult right now, because there is one hell of a lot of change going on within each of those relationships.

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People change and how we see them

What can you do when someone you love decides they aren’t poly?

This is a situation that I’ve read about many times on various blogs and forums. It seems to occur on a regular basis when an existing couple decide to try opening up their existing relationship and it just doesn’t work out for one of the parties.

The impact of this change of mind can be truly profound for all parties involved and the subsequent emotional eruptions that it causes can shake the very foundations of their worlds.

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Compersion for my wife


I love my wife and girlfriend

Last night my wife had a second date and by the sounds of it, it went really well.

She had a good time and it seems like lots of talking went on most of the evening.

I find myself walking a fine line between trying to maintain a suitable level of distance, wanting to be supportive and needing to make sure that’s she’s okay.

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Enough love

As a person I hope to be loved as much as I love others, because for me the world can be filled with enough love and happiness for all of us to share if we are good to each other.

However for some inapplicable reason, we can’t easily know what true love and happiness are unless we can first embrace ourselves and accept who we are.

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The dimensions of compersion

Compersion is something we all have to learn to practice, but understanding what it actually is, can be almost as hard as trying to develop it.

Lets look at the formal definition of this amazing word

“Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy, and the term is often used within the context of polyamorous relationships.”

It is generally used to describe when a person experiences positive feelings when a lover is enjoying another relationship

I read an interesting blog post of the idea that compersion is comprised of THREE key facets, the Intellectual, somatic and erotic.

I think we can all learn a lot from this concept and makes a lot of sense for me personally.

Compersion is a tough ides to get your head around when you first encounter it as a concept, but breaking it down into these easily definable chunks makes it far more manageable.

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The trouble with triads

Three heart shaped stones on a beachTriads take lots of work and are basically a time orientated balancing act, they are also considered unpopular within the politically aware poly community in general.

Triads also have an unusually high failure rate (I’ve been there), by any standards, yet there are always a large and steady stream of couples entering into the poly community looking for that mythical special third party to join them.

A quick glance across many of the popular poly sites tends to show a huge percentage of couples actively seeking a pan/bisexual woman (Over 50%). When you consider that less that 10% of most single women would openly identify as pan/bisexual, you can start to see the issue.

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