Tis the season to be poly…

Three Christmas stockings hanging on the mantelpiece

Over the past few years I’ve not had a particularly good experience during the festive period. It’s the time of year when I always find my available time stretched to and beyond breaking point.

My time has to be carefully distributed between my kids, partners, friends, family and of course myself and not necessarily in that priority order. Unfortunately it never seems to go quite as far as other people think it should or can, so the net result is usually disappointment all round and the real loser always seems to be me (nail hand to forehead).

Time management is more than just a useful skill when you’re polyamorus, it has to become an art out of necessity.

Being creative with time management becomes second nature, it’s about finding a way to maximise the effective usage of every minute in every day. But after a while this can start to feeling like having your finger permanently pressed on life’s fast-forward button. You can without realising become a spectator and not a participator in your own life.

So how do you stop this from happening?

The solution is quite simple in theory yet hard to implement in practice. Slow down, take a step back and gradually start to reintegrate yourself back into the lives of those you care about but on your own terms. Sounds selfish I guess, but living your life to forfill the needs of others is generally a bad idea and a guaranted way to start sowing the seeds of contempt for those you claim to care about.

Much of this rests upon the nature of of relationships with others, all of which will generally be a blend of  transactional and altruistic in nature.

I’ve had to make a few hard choices this year about where I’ll be for Christmas and new year. It’s not ideal, but I just can’t be in two places at once. Being the pivot in a polyamorus V isn’t easy but I’ll manage.

I hope you all have a great Christmas and a happy new year.

TK

 

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