No one makes us feel

No one else can make you feel

This is the third post in my communication series and probably likely to be considered a little contentious. That’s not a problem in itself and I hope that it makes anyone that reads it think twice about how an emotional feeling develops inside us all.

Emotions are sometimes simple and other times mixed up and extremely complicated. What they all have in common is their source. All emotions come from within us and are driven by a combination of social conditioning, past experience and our own personal natural view, perspective and inclinations.

It is always important to accept that these emotions are ours alone, we are responsible for them, no one else.

Blaming others for making us feel a particular way is a fast track to disempowering ourselves and so easily done, without realisation. So why not take the opportunity to embrace our emotions completely.

Take for example jealousy, fear or even gently nagging paranoia, these are all little early warnings signs and are part of the way that our subconscious trys to point out that something might be going wrong, so it’s important to listen to them and take note. We should not bury them away or try to persuade ourselves that they don’t matter or even exist.

So remember that an situation may be the trigger for an emotion, but the decision around what to do with it is ours alone, along with how we deal with its immediate effect.

For example, it’s is more than likely that an emotional reaction of anger about someone being late is based upon our own worries, fears and past experiences. The reaction of anger is perfectly okay, but the emotion is ours and not a seed planted by an external controlling person or force.

In such a situation it is better to acknowledge this emotion state and communicate it without allocating blame or shame  e.g. “I’m feeling a but angry about that fact that you have arrived late because [insert reason or justification].”

This can then help take the conversation in a more positive direction via the opportunity to potential acknowledge, apologise, solve or affirm your person position. Simply put the emotion state and acceptance / ownership of it has moved the situation forward. The negative emotion state has been owned and communicated with an opportunity for resolution. It’s called owning one’s own shit in spades, try it sometime its a game changer and very empowering.

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