No matter how good you or your partners think you are at being open and polyamorus there is bound to be a time that you feel jealous.
The key with jealousy is not avoiding or denying it, but dealing with it when it arrives. Don’t ignore it, don’t shut it away in the back of your mind, it will grow.
Talking about jealousy is extremely important because it matters. It will affect everyone in the relationships.
Listening to other people’s fears and feelings about jealousy is even more critical, being dismissive is unhelpful and liable to exacerbate the issue, so don’t do it, just listen and learn.
It’s also worth understanding the difference between jealousy and envy, these two feelings often get mixed up when they go on a mental rampage.
Envy is often described as a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation.
- Envy is a reaction to lacking something.
- Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something.
It’s often the case within polyamory, that a feeling of envy triggers a cascade into feelings of jealousy.
Identifying this behavior within yourself early is a tough skill but worth learning, seeing the same behaviour in others is a little more tricky, but possible with practice and patience.
Envy and jealousy are known relationship killers, don’t let them damage your precious relationships. Be brave and expose them at the earliest opportunity.