The bastion of monogamy

Consensual non-monogamy or CNM

It’s very true that monogamy remains one of the last unquestioned bastions of relational legitimacy, or at least in the minds of many couples’ or mainstream marriage therapists.

This is not really helped by the natural pro-monogamy bias found with many therapists and is not an accident. In the majority of conventional counseling programs, therapists-in-training are taught that monogamy is important and should be protected and so the problems begin.

Conversely, non-monogamy is cast as a sign of a problem within a relationship and flagged as something that should be solved instead of investigated, celebrated or explored.

The Active vs. Passive Bias

Some therapists either don’t know about or can’t get their head’s around consensual non-monogamy, and thus exert a passive bias based upon a lack of knowledge, experience, and understanding. Other therapists are actively hostile to any form of non-monogamy—consensual or not—and treat it as the ultimate breach the couple must resolve before anything else can happen.

The following links are probably quite helpful for those in search of some poly enlightenment.

What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory

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One thought on “The bastion of monogamy

  1. I indirectly ran into this bias during the 1980s when I got a book by a psychotherapist named Arlo Karlen. It’s name is “Threesomes: Studies in Sex, Power and Intimacy.” It was the first really decent book about non-monogamy which I came across. It was decent because he drew upon a vast amount of experience, personal contact and therapeutic sessions with various flavors/people of non-monogamy which he’d had over a considerable amount of time. But as I read it, it became clear that he was treating the whole idea as a pathology. I don’t know where this book is today in terms of availability to the public and the “professional community,” but it is hardly a book of choice. From where we sit, it just plain SUCKS.

    Liked by 1 person

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