People change and how we see them

What can you do when someone you love decides they aren’t poly?

This is a situation that I’ve read about many times on various blogs and forums. It seems to occur on a regular basis when an existing couple decide to try opening up their existing relationship and it just doesn’t work out for one of the parties.

The impact of this change of mind can be truly profound for all parties involved and the subsequent emotional eruptions that it causes can shake the very foundations of their worlds.

It’s even tougher when this situation is fuelled by personal insecurity, self doubt and various forms of the green eyed monster of envy.

Polyamory should never be about replacement, it’s about enhancement. Learning to let go of your personal over possessive feelings is a very hard and important lesson to learn, it’s the first step towards that feeling of joy you can experience from starting down a path to understanding and embracing compersion.

I don’t claim to have all the answers or profess to be a grand master of compersion, but I’m learning.

Some people even judge me and are welcome to their own personal opinions, but it doesn’t make them correct or true. Who are they to judge me and by what right?

All I know is that polyamory is a part of who I am and most probably part of who I’ve always been. I just needed someone to shine a light upon it and then take the first steps.

It’s not easy to undo years of social brainwashing, but I like what I’ve found and I’m glad I’ve chosen this path.

We all change with time and sometimes those changes create situations we never expected and force decisions to be made we could never have envisaged occurring in the past.

I am personal at one of those cross roads in my life at the moment and I will take responsibility for my own actions, decisions and own my own shit. I just hope other people are capable of doing the same, because if they don’t they have no one else to blame…  Wait a second yes the do, because they can’t take responsibility and own their own shit.

Some people have issues and will never learn.

3 thoughts on “Changes

  1. We’ve been following you for several months now and you’ve always been articulate, and, when needed, outspoken. This is one of the best posts you’ve written.

    Polyamory at times can be little more than a roll of the dice. Two wise and experienced people may expand into a threesome or foursome or moresome, and then…… Someone decides, “Not for me.” This is understandable; there are so many variables and unknowns in a monogamous relationship, but add more people and the potential for hurt and sorrow grows exponentially. Yet ~ the potential for happiness and spiritual growth (there, I said it!) is just as great.

    So let’s imagine, Joe and Jane add John. At first, the intensity of being together obliterates every other consideration. There’s nothing like a three-way simultaneous orgasm, you know? Well……time passes. Jane decides that watching Joe go down on John turns her stomach. Or possibly, Jane sees that John is a lot more caring, a lot less chauvinistic than Joe. Perhaps Joe finally has the courage to say to himself, “I’m gay,” and exclusively so. And John came looking to make sex slaves out of Joe and Jane……or realized he was being treated as a third wheel. Happens all of the time.

    “What does one do?” The impetus is to get out of the situation. Understandable. But what gets left behind? Broken hearts, animosity, and, if families and friends were aware of things, lots of nasty attitudes (at the least). Here again, the moral imperative (there! I said that also!) that honesty and openness are the foundation and pillars of polyamory are brought out in stark relief. There is no other way – and there is no other way to say this – than being open, open, open. The spectre of unknown personal variables can never be fully exorcised in anyone, which, I feel, is the real crap-shoot of poly. When a time comes where someone leaves because they feel that poly is not them, okay, very well; but the graciousness and understanding (or lack thereof) in what ensues paints a vivid portrait of all involved. We here would wish all such portraits are Mona Lisas, one and all – and not of Dorian Grey.

    Just a little side note or two. Maybe Mona Lisa was smiling because she was in a poly relationship, a not-uncommon thing in Renaissance Italy; and it’s well-known that Oscar Wilde did plenty of experimenting before the Crown ruined him.

    ❤ ~ from Sara Jane

    Liked by 1 person

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