Fair and Equal


I’ve been thinking a lot over the last few days about the concepts of equality and fairness within polyamorus relationships. Both seem like perfectly reasonable goals and ideals to seek, especially when dealing with multiple partners.

Personally I’m not a great fan of hierarchical labels, specifically “secondary”, which always inadvertently suggests a lack of emotional commitment or disposability.

So, does equality have a place within polyamory? Seems like a reasonable question on the surface, but what does it really mean? How do you define equality, time,  money, love, hugs, kisses, sex…

Not actually as easy as it sounds, because it very unlikely that two people’s needs and desires will actually be the same.

The same probably goes for fairness, it does not immediately equate to happiness and unlikely to really work.

The best option in my opinion is to just be good to people and do my best to provide what they need, but also support them with seeking out anything that they desire that’s missing in our relationships.

The following blog post provides an interesting perspective on this subject related to the phenomenon of “unicorn hunting” and why with even the best intentions it unlikely to really work.

“The way people plan their future polyamorous relationships is often very unrealistic but understandable.”

Source: Sometimes in polyamory, “equal” isn’t actually what’s best

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