The trouble with triads

Three heart shaped stones on a beachTriads take lots of work and are basically a time orientated balancing act, they are also considered unpopular within the politically aware poly community in general.

Triads also have an unusually high failure rate (I’ve been there), by any standards, yet there are always a large and steady stream of couples entering into the poly community looking for that mythical special third party to join them.

A quick glance across many of the popular poly sites tends to show a huge percentage of couples actively seeking a pan/bisexual woman (Over 50%). When you consider that less that 10% of most single women would openly identify as pan/bisexual, you can start to see the issue.

If you then take into account that for every single women, irrespective of sexual orientation there will be four to five couples looking the issue of supply and demand becomes most apparent. That’s a rough ratio of 45:1, which is not good odds by any standards unless you happen to win.

So why does this unrealistic expectation persuaded by so many with such persistence?

I blame this phenomena and it popularity firmly on pornography, which paints the perpetual and lasting threesome as the iconic fantasy for many men and bisexual women.

If you then add in the mix the generally high level of female bisexuality acceptance by males compared to the rarely seen female acceptance of male bisexuality, you can begin to see why.

We can also include other factors, such as, “One Penis Policy” (OPP) and “Couple Privilege”. (New posts on these subjects pending)

So lets be clear, a couple stating that they are seeking a unicorn is just like a single woman stating she only wishes to met footballers and a single man claiming he only wishes to marry a super model.On the very surface this may seem reasonable, it may even look like a free and elective choice but it is still objectifying and classifying people by an arbitrary role, rather than who they are or what they seek.

If a couple are not willing to openly examine their relative couple privilege, the unicorns role is unlikely to develop beyond being a plaything.

Once again we find ourselves seeing unicorn hunting as a first step on the road to polyamory. – (See – Unicorn Hunters are a ‘larval form’ of poly)


3 thoughts on “The trouble with triads

  1. I know of several “unicorn” triads that have dissolved into FWB’s. I think it’s due to the stronger relationship of the couple and their “history”, among other reasons. Still, triads of other mixes are possible and do last.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I can see your side but having the opposite experience I can see another side. We (my husband and I) started a friendship with someone and we all wanted to develop it and see what we could be. Or so we thought. My husband and I had done our research and knew what the possibilities were. She came and only saw him and then tried to come between us. If she had been honest we may have been able to properly work on the triad so it worked for everyone but when asked vital questions she gave answers she thought we wanted to hear. And so brought down the triad. I have said since then that communication Is vital to any relationship but even more is needed for a healthy polly relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

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