Assumptions are the major cause of issues within any relationship and even more so for polyamorous ones.

It is so easy to assume that something has been discussed, agreed and accepted, when in fact this it’s not actually the case for one or many of the parties involved.

So what can you do about this potentially self inflicted injury?

Simple really, clear and totally open communication with provision of the necessary information or intentions laid out in plain language.

It’s so easy to make an assumption that something will be okay because it was discussed in tbe past, but people forget and a discussion does not equate to agreement. It’s also avoidable by laying out your plans or proposed action, I’ve personally fallen foul of this many times and become conscious of it, so now I try to never assume anything.

It can sometimes feel like you’ve become a broken record, but that’s preferable to creating an issue by accident and then having to clean up the aftermath.

So generally if in doubt, check. It will save so much unnecessary pain and suffering for all parties involved.

I’ll give you an example, following this weekend I needed to take my girlfriend back to here place so she could be ready to go to work the next day, no problem here. I’d told my wife what was happening, but I then decided it was okay to stay there and avoid a late night drive back to my accommodation which is near my work (I live away from the family home during the week due to work).  I didn’t implicitly state what I was doing and assumed it would be okay. I’d made an assumption – oops. My wife was surprised when I called her to catch up and explained that she wasn’t aware of my plan to stay – duh!

A simple and logical assumption was made, but it would have been better to actually communicate the plan, so I failed.

As the quote states


The mother of all screw ups.

4 thoughts on “Assumptions

  1. I sometimes have this experience: “you remember when I told you…” and I haven’t the faintest recollection. Now I have a morning ritual with my partners to go over the day’s agenda…even for routine things.

    Liked by 1 person

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