I’m laying in the bath staring at the lights dancing across the ceiling, they reflect off of the bubbles in the water and the light glitters as I run my hands through them, while in the other room I can hear my boyfriend talking to his wife. The warm soapy water surrounds me and relaxes me as I listen to their conversation from the other room and I smile. I’m happy, happier than I have been in a very long time and it all just feels so easy.
New years eve wasn’t that long ago, and yet so much has changed in such a short space of time. I remember sitting around with some very close friends, watching the London fireworks on TV and counting down to 2016 while thinking to myself “This is the year. Please let this be the year. I hope he proposes to me soon.” But I was lying to myself, the relationship was already dead and deep down I knew it. It wasn’t long after that night I found out he had been cheating on me and I thought my world would fall apart. But it didn’t. Instead it was like emerging from underwater and realising I am still alive, I have potential and so many doors of opportunity flew open to me.
While everything that happened was extremely painful at the time, I found myself confused. He knew I was “willing to share” and “open up our relationship” but he must have always thought I was joking, even though we had spoken about it many times and honestly I wasn’t really sure what I meant by it. It wasn’t even the fact that he slept with someone else that bothered me, it was the lying and sneaking around that I was unable to forgive.
Since then I have been able to analyse more closely what I meant by “willing to share”. What I didn’t realise at the time was essentially I was offering him polyamory (albeit in the loosest possible way). Little did I know a few months later I would enter into a polyamorous relationship with a wonderful man. Many of my friends were unsurprised by my new relationship status and said they can see it makes sense for me as I have always said I’m “willing to share”.
I’m glad that chapter of my life ended and if I could I would thank my ex for ending our relationship because it meant I didn’t have to, I was a coward but it is over now.
As I lie here and soak my self into a stupor I can see my life has improved drastically in only a few months and I am so glad my eyes were opened to the joys of polyamory.
I look forward to seeing what the future holds – hopefully much more love, caring, communication, consideration and sharing along with a whole lot of sex.