Polyamory and cheating

Here’s a simple question about polyamory that I’ve often seen asked.

Can cheating occur within a polyamorous relationship?

The very simple and obvious answer is yes it can.

It is probably important to understand and define the term “Cheating”.

  1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.
    “she always cheats at cards”
  2. avoid (something undesirable) by luck or skill.
    “she cheated death in a spectacular crash”

Within a relationship of any type “Cheating” can be achieved by either lying by commission or omission.

Commission is presentation of information that’s just plainly not true, omission is the¬†intentional or unintentionally non disclosure of information.

I personally have no time for any form of intentional cheating within any of my relationships, because for me polyamory is about being honest and truthful. In turn this builds trust and an act of intentional deceit automatically betrayals that trust.

Unintentional omission is a bit more of a grey area and often fueled by an assumption. Each one of us should be responsible for our own actions and endeavour not to make assumptions that could potentially damage of carefully crafted relationships.

Within polyamory there is no real excuse for any form of deceit or omission, it works through good open communication, all you have to do is ask and discuss your needs, wants and desires.

The following blog post investigates the concept of cheating within a polyamorous relationship and is worth a quick read.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts and feelings on the subject.

Source: Cheating, Is It Possible In Poly?

One thought on “Polyamory and cheating

  1. The very first thing that anyone in a poly relationship should live by is to be totally open and honest in ALL things. And I mean, first be honest with yourself. Like:

    Is this YOU? Are you really a polyamorous person? Many many people get into triangles and quadrangles because they simply want to get laid with no attachments, no commitments. Sorry, it doesn’t work like that; go to a whorehouse or a stud farm. ‘Polyamorous’ is made of two components, ‘poly-,’ “more than one,” and ‘-amorous,’ “Loving.” Others get into them because they want to please somebody, but their hearts aren’t into it. “I have sex with Tina because I don’t want to lose Tom, but really, I think that me having sex with another woman is disgusting.”

    Second, be honest with your Others:

    Do you ever experience jealousy when your First gets going on your Second? Say something or risk losing everything. Unless your polycule is MMM or FFF, do you find it upsetting to be the focus of someone of your own sex? Or to watch as your (say) female First goes down on your female Second? Say something or risk losing everything. If your Others tend to be open to accepting the Casual Additional Person, do you enjoy this person, or do you find it all a bit too promiscuous for your liking? Keeping your mouth shut, keeping it to yourself when you don’t like something, breeds, in the words of William Blake, “reptiles of the mind,” reptiles that we know as the Green-eyed Monster. (Among others) Lying about anything, ANYTHING, marks the Liar as untrustworthy. “Where did you go?” “For a walk in the park.” “Really? Teddy said he was talking with you in the bar.” OOPS. Or: “Where did you go with that guy last night?” “We went to the club and danced.” “That’s all?” “Yeah!” “He told Jimmy that he gave you a BJ in his car.” OOPS.

    Learned the hard way, sweetie!

    Liked by 1 person

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