Poly Myths


Here’s a list of commonly cited myths about polyamory, so I did my usual and investigated them.

  1. Poly people are “more enlightened”
  2. Love is limitless
  3. Anyone can be poly
  4. Poly people don’t feel jealousy
  5. Poly people are more honest
  6. Polyamory is a new idea
  7. Polyamory is based on egalitarianism
  8. Polyamorous people are more spiritual
  9. Polyamory is a cure for cheating
  10. Polyamory is all about paganism or new-age spirituality
  11. Poly people are kinky

So let’s now take a deeper look at them one by one.

Poly people are “more enlightened”

Nope, people who embrace polyamory juts happen to prefer a different relationship style, that’s all.

Many monogamous people who are enlightened, passionate, caring, compassionate, wise, and benevolent people. You will meet poly people who are self-centred, inconsiderate idiots too.

Being polyamorous does not automatically make you a better person, that’s up to each of us.

Love is limitless

I only wish it was, love is never limitless. Basically a number of natural limiting factors will always come into play such as  time and energy and resources.

Its simply impossible to form meaningful relationships with more that a few people – See Poly-Saturated

Anyone can be poly

This is partly true, everyone has the potential to be poly, but they just need to get past their own social conditioning or their monogamous upbringing, but not always possible for everyone.

Many people are predisposed to monogamy and won’t or can’t change, it all comes down to what style of relationship is acceptable and suits them, it’s a choice.

It can be argued that monogamy is just a product of social conditioning, nothing more.

Poly people don’t feel jealousy

Pretty much everyone can feel jealousy under the right circumstances. Poly people are not magically immune to jealousy.

Jealousy is just a feeling; it can’t be classed as good nor bad, it’s often a symptom of an underlying insecurity and the best way to handle it, is by identify the  underlying problem that allows it to manifest.

Many poly people will claim that they never experience jealousy and this may well be true, but it’s more likely to be due to them being secure in themselves and their relationships. We all have to accept we are susceptible to insecurity, and jealousy at some point.

Poly people are more honest

Honesty has to be the key to any successful relationship, no matter what style it takes.

Dishonest behavior in any relationship can be disastrous . Poly people tend to make a more conscious effort to be open and honest in their relationships, but they are by no means unique in this regard, just being polyamorous does not automatically make someone honest.

There are some people who are deceptive, unethical, and dishonest in all relationship styles.

Polyamory does however strive to promote the following:-

  • Honesty
  • Integrity
  • Compassion
  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Love
  • Communication
  • Conflict resolution

Which I think you’ll agree are great skills in any relationship.

Polyamory is a new idea

Polyamory as a overt social movement is quite new, but the practice of polyamory has been around since the arrival of man, even though the word “polyamory” has not.

Polyamory is based on egalitarianism

Polyamory on what works for the people involved.

Relationships may or may not be given equal weight with regard to decision-making ability or other factors.

The most common forms of polyamory often feature the concept of primary/secondary relationships, where one relationship is considered “primary” and takes precedence over any other relationships that may form.

This s not necessarily egalitarian, yet it may well still meet the needs of everyone involved.

So some poly relationships are based on egalitarianism and others are not

Just because a relationship is non-egalitarian does not make it any less  ethical than egalitarian one, provided that everyone involved in the relationship is understands, agrees and is happy.

Polyamorous people are more spiritual than monogamous people

This rather peculiar myth is quite widespread in certain segments of the poly community, but there’s not a word of truth to it.

People have their philosophies,  beliefs and come in all flavours.

Polyamory is a cure for cheating

Nope, how can a person who cannot be trusted to behave with honesty, compassion and respect toward one partner be trusted to behave with compassion and respect toward more than one.

Polyamory is all about paganism or new-age spirituality

Again there is no direct link between and polyamory.

Poly people are kinky

Polyamory is a relationship style, not a sexual practice. There’s no relationship between polyamory and BDSM, kinky sex.

In fact many monogamous people are kinky and many people who are not monogamous prefer only conventional/vanilla sex.

Being poly does not imply group sex either! A person who has more than one sexual partner does not necessarily have sex with all of them at the same time…

5 thoughts on “Poly Myths

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