Check your emotional baggage…

emotional_baggageBeen a tough couple of months and I’m struggling to deal with all the emotional baggage that built up after a couple of rough patches that we’ve been through

It’s that feeling you get when you think something has been resolved and it then comes back to haunt you again and again.

What’s likely to be really weighing a person down is all that emotional baggage carried around in our emotional backpacks. It has a tendency to drop out the hole in the bottom of that backpack at the least opportune moment.

Sometime you need to start considering if it might, in fact be the other party is loading you up with all their baggage as a way of avoiding their own issues.

Quite often you can identify if this is the case by looking at the following five potential issue areas.

1. Projecting

Self-doubt is the worst type of baggage, it can be made even worse by the fact that because we tend to see the worst in ourself, we begin to assume the same is true of everyone else.

Therefore , if you experiencing negative feelings about a person you’re with, you need to ask yourself where these feeling are coming from and in turn consider if it could be that you’re making unfounded assumptions about them and the situation?

2. Paranoia

Being a little bit suspicious is just human nature, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, but in order for any relationship to work, you have to trust each other.

If you don’t fully trust a person —or even if you do, and are just being cautious—your paranoia can arise in some extremely unattractive and destructive ways such as;

  • Clinginess
  • Neediness
  • Hurtfulness
  • Breaches of personal space and privacy…

No one wants to feel as if they are constantly being tested and examined, especially if they feel that they didn’t do anything to betray that trust. So perhaps its better to keep your suspicions in check, unless they have truly done something that’s actually really worth being concerned about.

3. Comparing

Within an relationship comparison is a dangerous activity and even more so within a poly one. It easy for it to go beyond simple paranoia.

It’s likely to be subtle and insidious. If you see a person act in a certain way—or use a certain phrase—and you immediately start think of your abusive ex, or an immature idiot you rebounded with, or that unfortunate one-night stand, you’re letting your past drag you unnecessarily down.

It’s important to always remind yourself that this person is not an ex and likely to be very different

Its better always better to focus on the positive and all the amazing qualities they posses that your ex most certainly did not.

4. Building Walls

People shouldn’t keep secrets and this is because, in order to fully commit to other people, you should also know each other pretty well. Therefore holding back on emotions, or reliving a painful event from the past in ways that affect your present, can keep a relationship stagnant and eventually become the death of it.

So you need to ask yourself: what have you actually been keeping from them, and why? The chances are, they can tell that you’re been hiding something, and I’m pretty sure they’d rather hear about it than be stonewalled.

5. Holding Back

Poly relationships are no different from any other relationship they require some form of commitment, commitment-phobes are everywhere, and some of them aren’t carrying an ounce of baggage. But in many cases, the fear of tying oneself down and committing can be an indicative of a deeper inner problem. If don’t giving any of your relationships half a chance, it’s time probably time to do some serious soul-searching.

There’s nothing wrong with being single / solo, but you have to ask yourself is it what you really want? And if it’s not, what’s making you hesitate when you come across the possibility of love in what ever form it presents itself in for you?

Basically it all comes down to trust. Do you truly want to leave that baggage behind? Then take that step, that leap of faith and allow yourself to trust again.

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