It’s easy to write or talk about poly relationships that work, but it’s not easy to discuss ones that don’t. The words ‘failed’, ‘leaving’ or ‘giving up’ are often used, which really don’t help due to their negative connotations.
Sometime it hard to admit that love alone is just not enough and all the work and effort will never be sufficient to build a happy relationship. This becomes really important to recognise when a relationship starts to becoming an ongoing source of pain and trauma for all parties, it means that something is probably wrong and unlikely to be fixed.
Letting go is not the same as giving up, its recognising that two people are just not compatible with each other for some reason, there should be no shame in admitting that.
Neither party is bad or wrong, just not good partners and incapable of build a relationship that can make them both happy no matter how hard they try and with all the love in their hearts.
It’s what comes next that’s really important and is likely to effect everyone around them (that’s the nature of poly in my view), its up to them to try and accept that any relationship starts with friendship and can often end with one if given a chance and time.
At the moment I find myself in that place and it hurts.
More Than Two – “Letting go when things don’t work”